Never Should You Ever
by Forty-Doors-To-Nowhere
Summary: Rated T for Coarse Language. Sherlock and his new flatmate don't exactly see eye to eye on anything at all. How not to be friends with Sherlock Holmes!


_**A/N: **__Hello lovelies! A new story for you all! I have recently gotten into BBC Sherlock. So I decided to write this little piece of mischief. My apologies for anyone who has been waiting ages for updates and new stories. I really am sorry. This month and next month I will try and aim at updating old stories and posting new stories. I will try my hardest! Anyone who hasn't read any of my previous work, I welcome you to my little corner of Heaven/Hell. Whichever one you prefer that is. Anyhow, on with the story!_

Warning: Any other languages have been translated with Google Translate, which is not exactly reliable.

Never should you ever…

Being a friend of Sherlock Holmes is tough. He does not have many friends at all, so if you are a friend of Sherlock Holmes, consider it the greatest privilege you could ever receive from the man. Anyhow, it is very hard to resist the urge to punch him in the face. Moreover, swear at him. In addition to that, murdering him. Being a friend of Sherlock Holmes is _very_ tough. He tends to wear your patience thin. He pushes you to your limits and insults you. **All. The. Time. **And it is also very tough being his flatmate.

Therefore, I made this list for anyone, who decides to get revenge back at Sherlock Holmes. This list is for you to know what I did to get back at him. Consider it a warning, if you ever wanted to try these. If you DO ever try these things, do know that I did warn you. Therefore, it would be entirely your fault.

**Never should you ever, run over Sherlock's violin with a car.**

"What have you done?"

I winced at the harsh words. "I have done nothing wrong." I say gently. He stares at me. He knows I'm lying. I grip the wheel of my 1966 Volkswagen Beetle. "Get out of the car, Delilah, and explain everything that happened." Sherlock said maliciously through gritted teeth. I reluctantly opened the door and got out of the car but left the keys in the car. Sherlock gestured that we go upstairs into the flat. When we reached the door to the lounge room, he smashed the door open and glass shattered over the floor. Sherlock glares at me and says "Oh dear, what will Mrs Hudson say about that? You'll have to pay the extra rent!" Sherlock grins at me.

_Oh shit._

I was in big trouble.

"Sit." Sherlock says making a rude gesture towards a lounge chair. I sit while Sherlock starts pacing. He stops after making it to the other side of the room and then turns to glare at me. "WHY DID YOU?" He practically screams at me. "You were annoying." I declared. "I was annoying?" Sherlock says. He seems confused. "How could _**I **_be annoying?" Sherlock grunts at me.  
"You are annoying in every way possible," I say truthfully, "You never clean up after yourself, you always smell like a pig's pen, you don't eat when I cook, you never sleep, you zone out for 8 hours at a time and you don't even have a job. On top of that, you are mean and cruel to everyone, you act like a complete dickhead 99% of the time and you throw my cat out of the window, insisting that she will land on her feet. Not only that but, you keep body parts in the freezer, claiming that they are "experiments", you never get milk when I ask you to, you breathe loudly, you eat weirdly and you also put your shoes on the couch.

"And I am nowhere near finished! You leave me at multiply places where I have no idea where I am, you are a drug addict, you say that you are bored too much, you're a sociopath, you never smile and you never treat me nicely. You are obnoxious in every single way possible and that's why I ran over you're stupid violin." I huff loudly. "No wonder John got married!" I quip.

Sherlock stares at me. "I know you hate me, but why did you run over my violin?" Sherlock said. "I just told you why, you stupid idiot!" I exclaim in annoyance. "I know you did." Sherlock says. "But why my violin? Why not something else? I know you love hearing me play my violin, so why run over that and not me?"

I gape at him and reply "Because it's illegal to do that sort of thing!" Sherlock laughs. A genuine laugh. He starts to wipe tears out of his eyes. He keeps laughing for a minute until he finally stops. "Are you sick Sherlock?" I say in shock. "I'm laughing because you're such an idiot! You left the keys in ignition! Now someone has stolen your car!" I pale and make for the door but Sherlock stops me.

"Sherlock! It's a mint 1966 Volkswagen Beetle!" I cry in despair. "It's a stupid car if you ask me." Sherlock replies while smirking at me. I manage to get out of his grip and I take the stairs 3 at a time to chase my car. When I reach the door leading outside, I fling it open and rush out.

My car was still there.

I cry in relief and go to turn the car off and lock it. I pick up the violin which is behind the car and I go to open the door leading back inside. I scream at the top of my lungs in my mother tongue "Haista vittu Sherlock Holmes!"

That bastard had locked the door!

Before my very eyes, the jerk leaned out of the window and dropped my cat onto the top of the car's roof. And to my surprise, my cat lands on her feet and runs over to me. This is the only time I have ever been glad that I was wrong.


End file.
